Sunday, July 25, 2010

100725

寫些什麽啊~
想寫啊~可是不知從何寫起。

今天終于去正視課程表這東西。
不是我不要正視,實在有原因讓我不要去想它。

現在的情況,其實已經是我該覺得萬幸了。
不至於連書都讀不了,延遲畢業已經在預料之中。
說不埋怨是假的,可是自己也沒那麽聰明,能掌握好全部課業。
很多人都說我聰明,結果我考個屁出來。
很多人說我懶惰,結果我是發奮了,還是屁一個。

我說,我有自知之明。
不要讓我的自卑感越來越強。
然後我又得顧自己面子,結果自尊心越來越強。
到最後,自己也了解,這些都是屁!

爲了抗拒這些想法,我還得找理由來説服自己不要有那些負面的想法。
儘管朋友都說延遲畢業不是什麽大問題,可是不是你,你不會知道那些讓你感到洩氣的想法。
同期的同學,與你的步伐不能同步。
他們越走越遠,而我只能縮短我的腳步,配合自己的能力,慢慢地往上爬。

是好事。
至少自己沒那麽吃力。
家裏也沒那麽吃力。
難受的只是自己的那顆心。

罷了。
也不是什麽大問題。
就只是想要發洩一下。

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

100721

Kinda long time didn't update my blog.
Honestly, I always have some words in my mind and I wanna share it out.
But.. Ha.. it always pops out before I fall asleep.
I know I have a bad habit which is always think too much before I fall asleep.
And always, I forgot what did I think. LOL?

I'm tired now actually, and sleepy.
But I just feel like wanna update one post.
Mind blank, sadly.

Ar~ I dreamed a dream on last 2 nights.
The content was so blur for me right now.
But I do remember of some important scenes.
I was at airport, Penang.
Will be going to somewhere else..
2 of my friends came to send me off.
We were chatting there.
One of them walked away, I thought she was going to answer or have a phone call and I just not bother about it.
The other friend walk nearer to me and said: She is angry on you.
I was like :Huh?! What's wrong?
She told me that I made a joke yesterday and the joke made her angry.
OMG~ I run to her and stop her from walking away. She starred at me.
I asked: Are you angry on me?
She said: No.
I said: Tell me. Are you angry on me?
She kept her mouth shut.
I just said sorry to her and she ignored me.
Oh gosh, what can I do was just keep on saying sorry and promise not to say such joke again and I think I did something stupid to make her happy again.
Finally, she smiled again and saw me step into the airplane.
Okay, story ended.

This is not the first time I dreamed of my friends but seriously this is the first time it so real. I just feel like it will happen in the future and I beg it not.
Of course, I hided somethings for this story, if I say it out all, I must be crazy.
I can't do it and I hope it won't be real.
Unless.. there is an unless.. but I don't look at this UNLESS, it is a future tense.
I have no ability to handle the present, what for I look at the future?
C'mon, I need to make myself strong enough to handle everything by myself.
And that time, I will have the UNLESS. LOL.

Goodnight!