110105

It's been months from my last post.

I'm kinda lazy and what caused me back to here today?

She is no other than Ms.YingMin.

In a sudden, I feel like to read her blog and I'm surprised that she is continuing with her blogging.

I was "Wow!". HAHA.

It's good actually.

But seriously, I'm surprised for another thing more.

How can her friends can't get to know about your relationship since you blogged every single little details about him! Oh Geez!

Still, it should be congratulated, right?

I'm getting excited for my Taiwan trip.

It's 3 people trip, though.

I miss all of you actually.

Stronger feeling to get together with you all.

But yea, I know it's impossible.

Anyways, HOW'S ABOUT THE BALI TRIP???? XD

I'm having a 3 - month long holiday.

Frankly, it's boring but I feel free.

I'm not the kind of people who like to play around or work hard on everything.

Even though I don't like to live without a goal, but I kinda like the relaxing moments.

Don't press yourself too much while you know you got a harder life after you graduate.

Enjoy the moment as a student.

Meanwhile, 2012 is coming soon too!! (Haha, believe it or not, don't take it serious)

I'm not that busy, actually.

24 hours will be at home, 12 hours will be facing facebook/twitter/kpop news.

Another 12 hours? Sleep. =.=

How boring is my life?

I know but I'm good with it. =)

I can be playful, depends who are you.

I can be a listener, depends who are you.

I can be a persuader, depends who are you.

I can be a chatter, depends who are you.

But I did a psycho test yesterday that Ms.Toh asked me.

What color am I? I chose gray.

The result was shocking me as it's 80% - 100% correct.

But, yea the result is part of me.

However, the result itself, I guess it will only be agreed by me myself. HAHA.

I post it out, and you read it.

Don't get shock, it's me. =)

GRAY: This color in all of it's shades indicates a person who is secretive, protective of the self, and wishes to be left alone. Grays like to fade into the background unseen. They despise being the center of attention and will shrink back when called on in class or if anyone brings attention to them.

A predominately gray aura indicates a loner, not so much out of preference but out of fear. Usually, grays have been so hurt or so disillusioned that they would prefer to be invisible. It's not uncommon for grays to be hermits, or to find one person that they care about to whom they will cling for all of their needs.

101031

사랑한단 말 못해

101022

Sometimes, I know we are feeling the sadness from the bottom our hearts.

No matter how, we have to accept the changes, the reality.

People around us are always not the same.

Neither me.

When I think to run away from somethings, but in fact somethings would run away from me too.

I forgot it's not only about you, but both sides.

If I'm telling you that I'm not feeling sad, it's a lie. =)

Lies do help a lot of people to feel good, but I didn't want to lie on myself.

From the bottom of m heart, I felt the abandoning, not from friends, I mean from some situations?

I really don't know how to explain but I hope it will leave me soon.

I don't want to have the bad(?) mood continues with me, it doesn't make the situation good but it will be getting worst.

I pray, and pray and pray again.

Hope the negative minds would be gone as soon as possible.

I ignored the feeling;

I ignored the happiness occurred because I'm not involved, but I have to be happy because of the happiness occurred.

I'm pretty sure no one understands for the previous sentence, but it's enough for myself.

People, you will be too selfish if you are not allowed others to be happy without you.

Wash your face, take a rest, refresh yourself, everything will be new and good!

God bless.

100829

You know what?

The one I hate most is human;

But the one I love most is still human.

I know it's contradicting with each other but you can't deny that human are so lovely sometimes.

I smiled when I typed these sentences.

I've been emotional for few times these days.

Not to say what, but I'm feeling sorry to my friends, maybe they knew or maybe they don't.

I don't care? Honestly, I'm not feeling care whether they know the reason or not because this is my personal feeling and I know this is such a selfish thinking.

There is reason, too.

This is why I hate human so much.

People know your feeling easily but they do not comfort you because they think you're naive.

People do not know you feeling but they will say somethings that hurt you without realising because they think you're strong and mature enough to accept their words.

All about dignity.

I'm sure the people around me knew that I have strong dignity.

Maybe they think I don't as I act like not caring for everything.

I can tell you how poor am I, how dramatic is my family but I didn't give the permission to you and say about me.

This is my deadline, I know but people don't know.

Sometimes, I blamed.

But I know if I let the negative feeling continuously controlling me, I'm sure I'm dead before giving chance in judging me.

I love to be human, honestly, I love to be a smart human but I know I'm not.

When people around me started to tell me: Don't say like that, you're smart, you just need to work hard.

Hey, guys.. I was actually wanted to say: Bullshit! You are actually looking down at me in your mind but as my friend, you need to give me a faith.

Don't deny it. The people in this world are just so realistic.

I learned about this, how long time ago? I don't know.

However, you gotta thanks these people.

Because of them, you can keep on challenging, until the day you success and prove to everyone: Yes, I did it.

The world actually say that: So what? People took the chances before you success.

And you will feel like: Ow, I'm too late.

And then people encourage you again: It's not too late, you still can fight for it.

And you will start your engine again and say to yourself: Yes, I'm still continuing in fighting my war.

All in all, human is such a nice beautiful word.

They fail us, they encourage us.

They make us cry, they make us smile.

They make us angry, they make us calm.

They make us disappointed, they give us hope in the future.

Am I speaking in a subjective way?

Perhaps. But obviously, this is PERSONAL BLOGGING.

And if you're not agree with me, just get your ass out of my blog, sorry to remind you in my last sentence of this blog post, and yes I'm purposely. =)

100824

I'm in a mess situation now.
Supposed I should know how to do the questions perfectly but I can't do at all.

In other way, I comfort myself by saying: If I know how to do then I won't be a repeater.

When I keep on comforting myself, I feel so helpless and useless.

Am I in the right path?

People keep on moving forward, and once again I face the stress of stepping backward.

Or maybe it is not a backward, but just standing the the point that you have stood for long time, non even move a little small step.

I don't wish to give up FINANCE, I know how useful is it and I need it much.

But if I'm not doing well on it but still holding it tightly, this shows greedy of me and I should just GIVE UP!

But, it's too early to say give up, isn't it?

Not even comes the Quiz 1, and it's tomorrow.

Maybe I'm just too nervous on it.

I can even feel my testiness and impatient just now.

Maybe my friends will feel it through my words, but I didn't mean to do so.

People thought I'm so relaxing even though the quiz is just on tomorrow but maybe I'm just too good in acting? Who knows?

I missed someone's voice and I know I won't hear it for now.

I miss her singing, really.

But in fact, I just know her for 2 months, I guess. XD

I think her voice was just too impressed me.

And I am just able to play the song that she sang before at the KTV to calm me down. =(

Hey, girl.

We'll grab a chance and meet with you again ya.

But, hearing that you will come over Miri next year.

Or I might go over your place the year end, who knows?

Haha.. anyways, you are impossible to read my blog and still, I wanna say: Nice to meet you, truthfully.

100817

I'm just wondering sometimes.

What kind of Uni life is the best?

Socializing? Gathering? Clubbing? Partying? Or just being at home. LOL

I have 8am class, later.

I gotta wake up at 6.45am because I'm grabbing the 7.10am bus.

Honestly, I feel like wanna skip, but skipping for no point.

Sleep, maybe.

I have few number of friends are just started their Uni life.

Reading their blogs, seeing their status in facebook or some twitted in twitter.

Um.. What can I say?

They probably lost themselves in a world that full with attraction, new world for them by the way.

Ow~ One of my friends joined the "30 hours Hunger" campaign.

My first thought was: Paying money to make yourself suffer. No offense.

My second thought: After I earn money, I wanna fly to South Africa (or other places that need my help) and take care of some children or maybe donate some daily stuffs by myself.

Why? Because I was inspired by a guy from Strong Heart (100810 Episode).

My third thought: If I want to experience the same things with those poor kids, I rather do it in the place together with them.

Seriously, I personally think this is a good campaign as it allowed us to know the feeling of hunger and helpless for that moment.

All of us are growing under a good environment, food eating whenever you want: Maggie is the worst or spends thousands for one meal.

At last, we're still having a meal to avoid the hunger.

Poor babies, we are.

When I spend the money, I know I am enjoying.

But when I look at some poor kids through Youtube or passages forwarded to my email or spread through facebook, maybe I have a bit guilty but it doesn't help much.

What can I do is so little, I can't even afford for my outing sometimes, (Okay, please don't show your pity face ya, I have my financial planning, so close your mouth and swollen all the words you want to say to me if you have.) I try to find everything which is lower cost, or maybe I had paid for it, so I just use it till the max.

By the way, even I am facing financial crisis, I do live well.

Thanks to... I can't even think of thanks to who. Okay, maybe my parents, yes, this is definitely I need to thank them.

You know what?

I hate that people always saying they are poor to me.

They seriously don't know what is its meaning.

They still afford to buy shirts, watch a movie, having a meal that costs RM10 and above.

Ow, you might think: OMG~ Those are just small money!

Ha.. Accumulated all your expense, I can buy a ticket and go for a trip, NO LIES ON YOU.

Opps, it's too much for tonight!

I think I'm only able to sleep for 5 hours and wake up for the class.

Goodnight!

PS: No arguing with me because this is my own thought and seriously no offense. I would like to apologize if there is anyone who feels unwell with this post. =)

100803: BoA(보아) - HURRICANE VENUS

It's BoA!! Finally she is back.

Actually, I have watched this teaser for 10 times and above, I guess.

Haha.. it is just too nice!

I listened to the audio too.. She made me had a high expectation on her comeback, and yes, all of us do.

5 years, it is not a short period but she proved herself in everywhere: Japan, Korea and even US!!

She is born to be singer, no doubt on it!

Just check this teaser out! =)

100802

It's really suck when you gonna face all those about PRIDE.

I really feel like wanna scold F*** to myself.

There's nothing big deal~

It's just feel suck when you see your friends step one step or even more than you at the same time.

People around you are talking some units that you supposed to get this semester.

And where are you?

2 steps behind.

And you can't do anythings.

Because you are not smart enough and rich enough!

F*** my life, seriously, I might think like that sometimes.

But, I have to feel thankful that at least I'm given a chance to study.

Although I'm not smart enough but I am studying.

My study failure isn't equal to fail my life, but we know that study is a part of our lives.

It's really not a big deal compare to some can't even study at all and went to work in a young age.

I should really feel thankful.

Okay! And now, goodnight!

I'm gonna fight for tomorrow!

A new day has come; a new semester has began; a new war is waiting for me.

Keep your smiling on your face, and you will able to win till the end. =)

100725

寫些什麽啊~

想寫啊~可是不知從何寫起。

今天終于去正視課程表這東西。

不是我不要正視，實在有原因讓我不要去想它。

現在的情況，其實已經是我該覺得萬幸了。

不至於連書都讀不了，延遲畢業已經在預料之中。

說不埋怨是假的，可是自己也沒那麽聰明，能掌握好全部課業。

很多人都說我聰明，結果我考個屁出來。

很多人說我懶惰，結果我是發奮了，還是屁一個。

我說，我有自知之明。

不要讓我的自卑感越來越強。

然後我又得顧自己面子，結果自尊心越來越強。

到最後，自己也了解，這些都是屁！

爲了抗拒這些想法，我還得找理由來説服自己不要有那些負面的想法。

儘管朋友都說延遲畢業不是什麽大問題，可是不是你，你不會知道那些讓你感到洩氣的想法。

同期的同學，與你的步伐不能同步。

他們越走越遠，而我只能縮短我的腳步，配合自己的能力，慢慢地往上爬。

是好事。

至少自己沒那麽吃力。

家裏也沒那麽吃力。

難受的只是自己的那顆心。

罷了。

也不是什麽大問題。

就只是想要發洩一下。

100721

Kinda long time didn't update my blog.

Honestly, I always have some words in my mind and I wanna share it out.

But.. Ha.. it always pops out before I fall asleep.

I know I have a bad habit which is always think too much before I fall asleep.

And always, I forgot what did I think. LOL?

I'm tired now actually, and sleepy.

But I just feel like wanna update one post.

Mind blank, sadly.

Ar~ I dreamed a dream on last 2 nights.

The content was so blur for me right now.

But I do remember of some important scenes.

I was at airport, Penang.

Will be going to somewhere else..

2 of my friends came to send me off.

We were chatting there.

One of them walked away, I thought she was going to answer or have a phone call and I just not bother about it.

The other friend walk nearer to me and said: She is angry on you.

I was like :Huh?! What's wrong?

She told me that I made a joke yesterday and the joke made her angry.

OMG~ I run to her and stop her from walking away. She starred at me.

I asked: Are you angry on me?

She said: No.

I said: Tell me. Are you angry on me?

She kept her mouth shut.

I just said sorry to her and she ignored me.

Oh gosh, what can I do was just keep on saying sorry and promise not to say such joke again and I think I did something stupid to make her happy again.

Finally, she smiled again and saw me step into the airplane.

Okay, story ended.

This is not the first time I dreamed of my friends but seriously this is the first time it so real. I just feel like it will happen in the future and I beg it not.

Of course, I hided somethings for this story, if I say it out all, I must be crazy.

I can't do it and I hope it won't be real.

Unless.. there is an unless.. but I don't look at this UNLESS, it is a future tense.

I have no ability to handle the present, what for I look at the future?

C'mon, I need to make myself strong enough to handle everything by myself.

And that time, I will have the UNLESS. LOL.

Goodnight!