111017

It's another secret of mine.

It's a secret that I can't tell until the day I'm away from this place.

I'm scared; I'm regretting; I'm guilty.

And I don't wish to be punished.

How greedy am I?

The only one that I can tell to, is always God.

He can always listen to my secret and give me advises.

I appreciate that He will be with me, every time.

I wish I could calm down but I can't.

Probably I'm still being punished by God about what I've done.

It's a lie that can never tell.

I apologize.

I want to be forgiven.

I want to be safe.

I want to get this over.

Could I?

I don't know.

Even I got the guarantee from the person I should have.

But I really have no idea.

I miss a friend a lot at that moment but this friend is not the one can help me.

I just need some voices.

And this friend is the only one who jumped into my mind, second after God.

At last, I still speak to God only.

He will always listen to me after all.

I pray.

But I feel the scariness, still.

I guess I made a big sin.

Please forgive me.

111013: The Last Year

It's the last year to play around with the girls.

I miss Siew & Nyiam, it would be more fun if they were here, I'm sure!

I really can't tell how much fun I had in these 3 weeks.

I don't have to bother about the Charter's, and we had combo birthday celebration with a random suggestion and perhaps some random group activities.

I'm glad that my friends from Tawau can get along with the girls which I'd really love to see that but sometimes they just don't work it out.

I had a lot of fun for these 3 weeks.

I have no idea how much did I spend but I know it worth for me, it's never about the money, it's about the memory which is priceless for me.

I love the girls, as usual.

I wish them all the best in the future, I wish them to have a good career and I wish we will have the friendship, like forever? Hehe.

I still have another to go.

I had overcome the problem of staying here for another year.

But I have another problem now.

Am I really the one to be a President of Charter?

I doubt that.

I don't have connection with the lecturers; I'm not good enough in problem solving; I'm easy to compromise, especially when they are my close friends?

My concerns for my future career will be another problem as well.

What if they look only result?

Everyone does better than me, even I'm top 1 in secondary school but that never helps.

The most important thing is NOW!

I'm lost sometimes.

But I want to keep the faith.

Faith that I could do it all well, faith that even with a bad result, I would do it better than those who had a good result.

Working hard is always the problem.

Bless me, God.

The year of 2011, I have some changes on me.

Whether you and I like it or not, I have changed, you have changed and everyone changed into a better one or worst one, you judge it yourself.