110328

It's not a sleepless night but I feel like not to sleep at all.

8am meeting, 11am class, 12pm town, 4pm class.

This is my schedule for today. (28th March).

Nothing much to say but just want to leave something here.

Brain is in a mess.

Suddenly everything disappointed myself.

Feel like useless, can't even accomplish somethings that is easy to score.

Not blaming, just doubting on myself.

What makes me that useless.

Lack of practice? Not really.

I guess I am over confident.

Another weakness I have.

Poor me.

How do I change it?

I try not to over confidence, but still, every time, I am.

I need some strength from God, I guess.

Every time I pray, I feel Him, actually.

No matter how you deny, He exists, with his own way.

Perhaps I am still not a holy Christian, but I did not deny His existence.

Yea, I need to pray to get the strength from Him to get over my own difficult.

110317

I dreamed of HoMin last night.

It was the very first time.

I think I am a secondary school student because I was in a school hall.

That night, there is not only HoMin's performing but also a lot of other artist.

I don't know what event is it.

When other groups are performing, I saw HoMin was sitting outside on the stairs, with their white suits on.

I was like O-M-G, the white suits gone, probably.

Then I walked to them.

Greeted them by using my poor Korean language.

They managed to understand what was I talking about.

And then when I said this to Changmin: One of my friends likes you the most. (in Korean)

He was like: Huh? What is XXX?

Then I explained: Most (재일) Like (좋아).

Changmin was like: Ow~ Wow. Thanks!

Both of them smiled warmly and leave, but I cried like a crazy when I shake my hand with them and get a hug from them.

I went back to my seat and watch for their performance, all of my mind was thinking to contact my friend, telling her that I get a hug from HoMin.

I wanted to scream crazily, I guess.

After their performance, it was "Don't Know Who" performed.

And I see HoMin came in the hall secretly and sat in front of me.

Wow! Gosh~ I forgot that whether I wait the performance ended or I approach to them immediately.

Anyways, I asked them whether can I have your signature?

Then I brought them to a small room cause my diary was there.

PS: The diary was bought that time, it's the event side goods.

Yunho signed first and wrote some warm words.

But I can't recalled it anymore.

Changmin wrote: You will be our friend forever.

And I said, it was my friend's birthday coming soon, can you write some greeting words to her?

Yes, they did.

The manager asked them to leave but I feel like they don't want to leave.

I didn't mean that they want to stay with me, I just feel like they don't want to go back.

Yunho gave me a very big hug.

I feel like I can't breathe anymore.

When he was about to leave, I saw he teared.

Chanmin smiled with a bit of embarrass.

The dream was ended when I'm gonna take the diary to my friend.

The dream was too real until I can remember every little single detail.

110310

又过了一个月。

1.24am，我实在不知道自己要做什么。

应该睡了吧，却又觉得无所谓的时间。

或许，是该睡了的。

其实有很多事情想做，可是力不从心却是每每地跟随着我。

无法把简单的事做好，有时想想，还真失败。

太理想化或许也是个缺点。

其实是的，它是个缺点。

所以，我有这样的缺点。

算是提醒自己了吧。

睡了~晚安！